Last week I was invited to a concert featuring Joan Baez and the Indigo Girls.* The Indigo Girls in particular have amassed a largely female following. On considering the band and audience, one male who was invited to the concert commented to me, "It's a good thing I'm secure in my masculinity!" Little do people know that off-handed comments inculcated by cultural norms percolate in my over-active brain for days on end. So...for the past several days, I have been contemplating for the six dozenth time:
1.) Why do males feel that identifying with traditionally female interests will somehow damage their masculinity?
2.) In a partial answer to question 1, why is it that the primary definition of manhood seems to be NOT to identify with anything "feminine"? How can you feel secure in something defined by how NOT to be?
2.) Why do you never hear a woman say, "It's a good thing I'm secure in my femininity!"?
Although I am grateful to be of both my sex and gender, I rarely feel secure in my femininity. My grandmother watches more television than I and junior highers are much more up with the times, but I'm not immune to the constant messages reducing females to only the flesh. Building up my self-image and joy in my gender takes conscious WORK. But more than that, I've never been concerned that being around male interests would somehow taint my femininity. My femininity is not something that can be lost or hurt by adopting male hobbies. While other women may feel differently, I maintain that the fear of damaging one's gender identity by exposure to the other gender's interests is, by and large, a male fear.
When a woman wants to enter a traditionally male field, I applaud her, knowing how much harder she is going to have to work to prove herself and gain respect. When a women is good with tools or knows about auto mechanics, I am impressed. It seems to make her MORE, not LESS. My interests are psychology, the relationship between God and mankind, social justice, social services and nonprofits, literature, appreciating art, and friends. Prominent writers, civil rights activists and abolitionists, artists and psychologists from all civilizations throughout history have a common demographic factor: male. Do I need to protect my femininity against these evidently hyper-masculine interests?
Much of this discussion comes down to silly yet strident distinctions between "male" and "female" pursuits and interests. In Thailand I saw many young boys sporting pink shirts and school bags. Pink is not a gendered color, and males and females are free to enjoy or avoid it as they like. Hurrah! Who assigned your gender labels for you? Your parents? Media? Peers? Do you give them absolutely authority over your morals too? The origins of culture are not biological or spiritual. Culture is created and maintained by small and large groups of people. There is much more to our genders than mandated behaviors and appearances, but until we embrace or at the very least admit this truth, we cannot discover it but only continue to reduce each other by brandishing our favorite cultural norms.
Today in my online wanderings re: social justice and human trafficking topics, I came across this short video** that highlights some of these questions:
What is the value of a girl to you? What is your value as a girl? As a woman? How would you feel if someone described your action as being "like a girl"? As a person whose snarkiness seems to be more frequently erupting these days, next time someone describes me as such, I'm going to smile and rejoin: "Oh, thank you! I value women, so that is a high compliment. Very kindly meant, I'm sure."
Yes, a snark stalks among you. Like a girl.
*The concert was last night. The harmonies were bliss. Joan Baez must practice yoga. I know this because I saw her spryness from the front row.
**Part of me applauds the effort, but the cynical part says, "Gosh, a 'feminine product' company is running a marketing campaign on the value of women. Even a positive message turns out to be a money-making scheme to get women when they're vulnerable."
1.) Why do males feel that identifying with traditionally female interests will somehow damage their masculinity?
2.) In a partial answer to question 1, why is it that the primary definition of manhood seems to be NOT to identify with anything "feminine"? How can you feel secure in something defined by how NOT to be?
2.) Why do you never hear a woman say, "It's a good thing I'm secure in my femininity!"?
Although I am grateful to be of both my sex and gender, I rarely feel secure in my femininity. My grandmother watches more television than I and junior highers are much more up with the times, but I'm not immune to the constant messages reducing females to only the flesh. Building up my self-image and joy in my gender takes conscious WORK. But more than that, I've never been concerned that being around male interests would somehow taint my femininity. My femininity is not something that can be lost or hurt by adopting male hobbies. While other women may feel differently, I maintain that the fear of damaging one's gender identity by exposure to the other gender's interests is, by and large, a male fear.
When a woman wants to enter a traditionally male field, I applaud her, knowing how much harder she is going to have to work to prove herself and gain respect. When a women is good with tools or knows about auto mechanics, I am impressed. It seems to make her MORE, not LESS. My interests are psychology, the relationship between God and mankind, social justice, social services and nonprofits, literature, appreciating art, and friends. Prominent writers, civil rights activists and abolitionists, artists and psychologists from all civilizations throughout history have a common demographic factor: male. Do I need to protect my femininity against these evidently hyper-masculine interests?
Much of this discussion comes down to silly yet strident distinctions between "male" and "female" pursuits and interests. In Thailand I saw many young boys sporting pink shirts and school bags. Pink is not a gendered color, and males and females are free to enjoy or avoid it as they like. Hurrah! Who assigned your gender labels for you? Your parents? Media? Peers? Do you give them absolutely authority over your morals too? The origins of culture are not biological or spiritual. Culture is created and maintained by small and large groups of people. There is much more to our genders than mandated behaviors and appearances, but until we embrace or at the very least admit this truth, we cannot discover it but only continue to reduce each other by brandishing our favorite cultural norms.
Today in my online wanderings re: social justice and human trafficking topics, I came across this short video** that highlights some of these questions:
What is the value of a girl to you? What is your value as a girl? As a woman? How would you feel if someone described your action as being "like a girl"? As a person whose snarkiness seems to be more frequently erupting these days, next time someone describes me as such, I'm going to smile and rejoin: "Oh, thank you! I value women, so that is a high compliment. Very kindly meant, I'm sure."
Yes, a snark stalks among you. Like a girl.
*The concert was last night. The harmonies were bliss. Joan Baez must practice yoga. I know this because I saw her spryness from the front row.
**Part of me applauds the effort, but the cynical part says, "Gosh, a 'feminine product' company is running a marketing campaign on the value of women. Even a positive message turns out to be a money-making scheme to get women when they're vulnerable."
