Be loved --> Beloved

Epiphany moment: I've decided to change all my passwords since I've heard you're supposed to do that every few years. Since I type them so often, I was contemplating things that would be good for me to remember often. During this season, God has told me that I am supposed to be learning how to be loved. This was unexpected and almost embarrassing. So I was thinking that perhaps "be loved" would be a good one, and then I realized that if I put it in password form it smushes together to become "beloved." Aaah! Probably everyone else has already figured this out, but all of a sudden I saw this simple demonstration of the relationship between loving and being loved. As in, we love Him because He first loved us. I am God's beloved and am loved regardless of myself. However, how much am I missing out if I am not an active participant, if I am not willing to be loved? Everyone wants to be loved and to be someone's beloved, but God, the origin of love, is the only One who can satisfy is. When we choose to die to ourselves and accept God's love, we are eternally loved and are eternally His beloved.

Good stuff for a Monday night/Tuesday morning. (Why do Bible study leaders always use the phrase "good stuff"?)

You were always on my mind?

As I was eating my cereal tonight (standard fare for those of us who don't cook), Mom was playing Michael Buble. He sings an absolutely beautiful cover of "You Were Always on My Mind" most famously sung by Elvis Presley and also Willie Nelson. Here is my (condensed) train of thought:

What a beautiful voice! Wait a minute! He didn't do x, y, and z* but he was purportedly always thinking of her? Just thinking of her doesn't cut it. This is a cover-up for being a jerk and a user! And now he wants to get back together with her? Don't fall for it! (Call out to Mom that this beautiful song is actually about a jerk who wants "one more chance." Then he croons once more "Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died. Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.")

Okay, well maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe he really did try but he wasn't perfect and he just didn't know how to help her. Maybe she didn't TELL him that she was lonely so often. Maybe she hid that she needed him and he was actually crazy about her but messed up a lot. Ouch.

Why do I feel that I need to analyze these lyrics and come to a conclusion about the motives of this fictional ex? Why do I think I am required to give him a fair trial and figure this out? Why can't I stop thinking? Maybe I'm crazy. Do other people think like this? I'm inclined to think not. Maybe they should! Maybe THEY are crazy! Maybe they shouldn't just let these subliminal messages bombard them!

Enough is enough. I miss Donovan. I am going to pick up the pizza.

*Verse two that caught my attention:

Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.

More decor pt. 2

Yellow table, blue chairs, gray textured walls.

Window seat!

Painted ceiling, grid of pictures, legs on chairs, huge window

Wall papered closet doors, clear chair


What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall tribulation or distress or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors
though Him who loved us.
Romans 8:31, 35, 37

Life at home

Me: (Literally singing Shrimp's praises)
Emily: If you love your children half as much as you love your cat, you won't have any problems.

Me: (Listing the deaths, health problems, and accidents that have been happening weekly among our family and friends)
Pop: Welcome to my life. You realize this has been happening for years only you were too young for me to tell you most of it. (*Slight exaggeration)

Me: (Standing with a pained expression watching Mom's silly Fred MacMurry and Marion O'Hara sports/family feel good film)
Mom: Yes, this is what I have come to.

Me: (While correcting Beth's paper) Beth, you can't put "un-moral." There is no such thing! It's "immoral."
Beth: Heh heh.

Jeremy: (via text) You are a snee.

Overwhelmed?

When Googling the preceding verses to post, I noticed that a sermon by Britt Marrick was one of the suggestions. He is the pastor of Reality church in Carpenteria, and our county has been praying for his young daughter, Daisy, for the past year since she was diagnosed with leukemia. Actually, I have not listened to the sermon; my heart is too heavy tonight to intake more. However, I did read some of the comments posted on the church's website, and two of them really moved me:

Comment by Silvia Barrios — September 28, 2009 @ 9:29 am

Pastor Britt Merrick,
My family and I are praying for your precious Daisy and your family.
I have been extremely encouraged by your message. The privlege we have to hold our kids…even as short as just a few weeks in our wombs is a privlage that may bring pain, but I know we can never ever wish that they would have not been given to us. We are thankful for the time we have with them.
I believe like you that hope in Him does not disappoint… it does not….I believe it with ALL my heart.
The Lord has taught me to have faith not that all will go well, but faith that all is His will for me and it IS well. Faith to trust Him.
When I prayed and had all the faith I could force my self to believe…and I still miscarried…I couldn’t understand…then God gently taught me my faith was in the wrong place…it was that God would do my will…not that His will was good for me.
Thank you for sharing I have forward this message to many.

Lifting Daisy and your family in prayer.

Barrios Family

Comment by Thomas Ensign — September 30, 2009 @ 8:36 pm

Dear Merricks,

Thank you for your message.

We are four years ahead of you in our journey with cancer. Our son James was diagnosed with leukemia four years ago this week. By His grace and mercy, God has blessed us with recovery and a good prognosis.

Thank you for your vulnerability in your message. We know what that day is like when you learn that your child has cancer and life as you’ve known it is forever changed — not ruined, but changed.

Thank you for your boldness in proclaiming the goodness of God. Like you, we quickly came to the conclusion that the Creator of the Universe knew that we would meet, marry, have James and that he’d have leukemia. Although the future is uncertain, we know that God is good and that should He choose to allow James to die, it would be to accomplish His good purposes in the lives of others and to bring glory to Himself. We know that, when understood through the lens of eternity, we will say, “Wow, God! Look at what you’ve accomplished! Only you could have done this.”

During our most difficult days of intense chemotherapy, people would say to us, “Your faith is incredible,” or “I could never look at it that way.” But as you said, our faith is not in doctors or medicine or in “faith”, but in God and His word. Faith and hope in him is the natural outcome when you understand His sovereignty and goodness. Besides, as Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, you have the words of life. To whom should we go?” (John 6:68) Truly, where else could we go?

You’re right to avoid the question “Why?”. The Lord impressed on us early on that the question is “What?”. What, Lord, are you trying to accomplish through this? What, Lord, do you want us to do? What, Lord, do you want us to say to others who are suffering? What, Lord, do you want us to say to testify to your grace and goodness?

While our family currently lives with the good news of a positive prognosis, we’ve been forced to contemplate the possibility that James may precede us to be with the Father. Your message says everything that we would want to be said, should that day ever come.

Thank you again, Britt, for the blessing that your message and witness has been for us and for the glory you are bringing to our Father. Your family has a race in front of you, and a cloud of witnesses is cheering you on — and the Father is saying, “Well done. Keep going. Well done. Keep going.”

We will be praying for your precious daughter and for the rest of your family. May God pour out a tsunami of grace, mercy and peace upon each of you. May He grant full and complete healing for Daisy, and may He make you abundantly aware of His presence with you during this difficult, troublesome, heartbreaking time.

With love and prayers,

Thomas, Anna, Daniel, James and Peter

Katie here again. Jeremy just started playing "Beautiful Lord" once again. I think God has a sense of humor: "When the storm is raging all around me, You are the peace that calms my troubled sea."

This month

Psalm 61 (New King James Version)

To the Chief Musician. On a stringed instrument.[a]A Psalm of David.
1 Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

3 For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

5 For You, O God, have heard my vows;
You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
6 You will prolong the king’s life,
His years as many generations.
7 He shall abide before God forever.
Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him!

8 So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
That I may daily perform my vows.

Classics at 1:38am

Sonnet 116

I thought this find was cool. It's a paraphrase of my favorite Shakespeare sonnet (and one of the only poems I have memorized).

SONNET 116	PARAPHRASE
Let me not to the marriage of true minds	Let me not declare any reasons why two
Admit impediments. Love is not love	True-minded people should not be married. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,	Which changes when it finds a change in circumstances,
Or bends with the remover to remove:	Or bends from its firm stand even when a lover is unfaithful:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark	Oh no! it is a lighthouse
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;	That sees storms but it never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,	Love is the guiding north star to every lost ship,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.	Whose value cannot be calculated, although its altitude can be measured.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks	Love is not at the mercy of Time, though physical beauty
Within his bending sickle's compass come:	Comes within the compass of his sickle.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,	Love does not alter with hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.	But, rather, it endures until the last day of life.
If this be error and upon me proved,	If I am proved wrong about these thoughts on love
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.	Then I recant all that I have written, and no man has ever [truly] loved.

Things I Like

"You give us Your best for what we thought was better. And You are to be praised." ("Mended" by Watermark)

Things I Like:
Forgiveness
Candles
Vintage clothes
House Beautiful
Autumn
Trader Joe's
Rum nougat from See's Candy
Planning
"The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson
Getting rid of things
Free clothes
The word "persnickety"
When people tell me they were thinking of me
Letters
The sound of rain
When gas dips below $3.00
Clean sheets

More decor

Awesome wallpaper

Inside of door painted

Giant picture, natural light

Comfy chair, books, natural light

¹⁸ And I said, “My strength and my hope
Have perished from the LORD.”
¹⁹ Remember my affliction and roaming,
The wormwood and the gall.
²⁰ My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
²¹ This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
²² Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3

Thank You, God

Dear God,

Thank You for not expecting me to be perfect except as much as You enable me to be conformed to the image of Your Son.

Thank You for loving me so well.

Thank You for always being the initiator in our relationship.

Thank You for giving me strength when I am weary.

Thank You for Your word and that I can trust Your promises.

Thank You for providing for me.

Thank You for fashioning me the way You did.

Thank You for grace.

Thank You for listening to so many prayers about my needs and wants.

Thank You for being my Abba Father and for caring for me so deeply.

Thank You for being You!

Amen

Simple, Suffering, Sin, Separated, Siblings, Song

Hello dear friends.

So much on my mind today, as every day. There are few settings in which I can manage to empty my mind, particularly these days. Here are some thoughts from today:

To paraphrase Renee, the inspiration for To Write Love on Her Arms, just because something is simple does not mean that it is easy. Love God and love people. Simple, yes? Trust God and choose truth over lies. Another simple pairing.

While at data entry listened to a lyric from MercyMe that said, "Why write the script with so much heartache and pain? Could there not have been an easier way?" Gosh, I think this often when I hear people's stories. I know that suffering is meant to draw people to God, to sanctify. It is also an inevitable consequence of our depravity. Consider how much Christ had to suffer on our behalf. Still, even though I marvel at God's grace in keeping people safe (for example, with the way people drive, there should be many more car accidents), I ask Him why He does not do more. Yes, I know He sent His Son to save the world, but couldn't He put force fields around children, for example?

So when I heard this lyric, my mind started going down this old train of thought: life is full of pain! Even with free will, why does God allow the innocent to suffer to such a great extent? And a soft voice reminded me that sin is sin. Every time I chose my way over God's, the world is not as it should be. I cause pain. Sometimes innocent people suffer. Being rude to my mother is a far cry from chopping off people's limbs or molesting a child. Yet, it is the same root of selfishness and pride claiming that what I want is more important than what God wants. Gosh. I still want God to intervene and stop humanitarian tragedies, but this was another reminder that my role is not to save the world. It is to choose God.

Also during data entry (which weirdly enough tends to be an emotional time), I listened to some sermons on 1 Thessalonians by Alistair Beggs that Aimee lent me. He talked about Paul's longing to visit the church in Thessalonica. After lack of word from the church, Paul sacrificed the presence of Timothy in Athens "when we could no longer endure it"and sent Timothy to find out how they were doing. According to Alistair Beggs (one just has to have the pleasure of saying his whole name), "It's one thing to be separated by your loved ones by a vast distance and over a period of time so long as there is information filtering in. But when you're a long way away for a long period of time getting no news at all, you will be filled--if there is any love relationship there--with simply an intense longing. ... Separated from those who we love by distance and by time, lacking in immediate news, the only right response is unbearable suspense." Gee, it was kind of him to validate my experience, but couldn't he have recommended a cure other than sending Timothy?

Of all my siblings, I think I am the most even blend of our parents. (We may have more insight as Jeremy matures.) Isn't this interesting, as I am the oldest? Should my parents have not had anymore children, they still would have had a pretty good idea of a mini Jamey + Lynne. One of the cool things about having five million children would be to see all the variations.

This is a fun song I listened to today, though it gets annoying after awhile. You have my permission to skip to 3.43 for the good part.

Yesterday I...

...ate yummy turkey at a church "potblessing."
...read and ruminated.
...straightened my hair, since it had been 2 years and 1 weeks since the last occurrence.
...sang hymns with my parents and Beth at the convalescent home.
...conversed with Deanna at Starbucks until the Sketcher settled into his corner and started his hobby. Uncomfortable, but not creepy.
...ate Thai food leftovers. I love bamboo shoots!
...research Masters in Public Administration and dreamed of receiving a Fulbright scholarship.

As part of my day of rest

Yellow sink and gray/blue walls. Mirror. Hurricane lamps.

Birds cut from contact paper in church hallway, compliments of pastor's wife.

Green cabinets. Little corner shelf with glass. Wallpapered ceiling (minus the design)

Mismatched black chairs. Green bowl.


Hi friends! Much has been percolating in this overactive brain of mine, but today I bring you contributions from others. First, some pictures I have culled from design blogs. Their titles represent why I have saved them. I know you're supposed to credit the source, but I never intended to republish, so I have to apologize for that. Second, some interesting thoughts about the relativity of wealth from this blog called "Out of Poverty: What to do when traditional approaches fail."

²⁴ “The LORD bless you and keep you;
²⁵ The LORD make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
²⁶ The LORD lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’

Numbers 6:24-26

Happy Voting

Click here for a cool election day map.

Today's Encouragement

Consider what great things He has done for you.

You shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you.

I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. * The Lord has chastened me severely, but He has not given me over to death. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy towards those who fear Him. He knows our frame. He remembers that we are dust.

1 Samuel 12:24; Deut. 8:2, 5; Psalm 119:75, 71, 67; Psalm 118:8; Psalm 103:10-11, 14