For the past couple of weeks I have been more focused on doing rather than being. I have realized that I have more control issues than I thought which is tied into my perfectionist tendencies. As my lovely friend Jennifer once said, "I only stress about things that I can control; obviously, I have control issues." Tied into this is realizing how much I need to turn over to the Lord. Though I have trusted Him, there are still so many layers. I do not think that He would want me to deprecate our relationship but rather give glory to all the things He has accomplished when I relinquish my desires. Still, again, I have so much further to go.

Though I am at a good place in life, I do find myself missing other chapters--London, Cal Poly. The presence of new friends does not mean you forget the old ones or wish they were with you. Place is such an interesting concept to me. People can gather, but you can only be in one place at a time. Today I went to this year's warehouse for Operation Christmas Child. They rented a much larger facility for a cheaper price. It was a completely new environment yet stirringly familiar.

If you want to buy some African bead necklaces, I have a new batch I'm selling for a different organization. Christmas approaches! We are having a fair trade gift fair (initiated by yours truly) for our November AmeriCorps meeting, and I plan to send out an email about fair trade gifts around that time.

Weekend Highlights

Friday:
--> Having my fellow VISTAs in the November group agree to my idea of a Fair Trade gift fair highlighting social justice and international development for our November meeting
--> Stress cleaning my apartment (not the stress part, but productively eliminating it plus the clean sinks)
--> Letting things go and being with Donovan

Saturday:
--> Watching the air become clearer and the hills greener (Don't ask why, it just happened.) as I drove from Anaheim to the Santa Clara Valley
--> Procuring a pine-green and autumn leaf-yellow squash shaped like a pear from the Faulkner Farm pumpkin patch
--> Opening my splurge purchase of two Michael Buble CDs from Amazon ("Crazy Love" and "Michael Buble")

Sunday:
--> Rifling through the kitchen at church and snagging some odds and ends that were gathering dust for my apartment
--> Being humbled once again by the thanks of the residents of the convalescent home for the simple hour-long church service of song, scripture, and prayer
--> Playing Settlers of Catan with Beth and Jeremy--Jeremy creamed me yesterday, but today victory was mine. I'm gravitating towards the port strategy.
--> Partially cleaning out my to-do bag. Such a good feeling!

Smiles.

Free stuff, friends, fighting

This has been a lovely weekend. After attending a Toys for Tots meeting for work, I headed off to Costa Mesa with my friend Anh Thu for a Patti Lupone concert at Segestrom Concert Hall. The show was excellent (what a performer!), particularly viewed from the third row in an exquisite setting. The experience was taken to the next level of surrealism by the fact that it was ... FREE! Evidently in honor of arts month there are many free performances in select urban areas across the country. I stumbled across the tickets when checking out www.sparkoc.com for weekend cultural opportunities. Also, the first third of the evening was unexpectedly an Audrey Hepburn tribute for which the orchestra played songs from her movies, including "Charade," "Moon River," the theme from "Roman Holiday" and the suite from "War and Peace." I think God sometimes gives us "present" experiences.

Friday night was John's birthday party, and though I was semi-somnolent during much of the evening, it was still good to gather with friends. Plus, he let me make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

Saturday after a few errands and catching up on sleep, I trickled down to Long Beach to visit Pam's commune, reminiscent of the Wesley House. We had a lovely time chatting over pasta and then I was able to catch her show at a Long Beach coffee house hot spot.

This morning was my second visit to my new church, another small and personable Foursquare Church in Costa Mesa. Donovan and one of his friends from class (originally hailing from Japan) came as well. The pastor spoke on living in victory, being fighters and taking authority. It reminded me of the verse that says the kingdom of God is violent and the violent take it by force. That is one of those verses that the church doesn't like to teach because it has so often been abused and we aren't quite sure how to handle it. Violence isn't always negative. Birth, for example, seems quite a violent episode to me. Defending the innocent and the oppressed is generally violent business as well. It has long been a disappointment of mine that the church has not called its people, especially its men, to fight. There are so many admirable and right opportunities--so much necessity--to do so.

Fight, people!

Wistful Winds

My spirit is more at peace in autumn, though the wind and perfect temperatures also elicit the wistfulness to travel. Sometimes I contemplate the degree to which the external affects my moods and thoughts. Donovan has pointed out how much I enjoy and perhaps need to be comfortable. It's true that I've definitely been spoiled and I'm rather a wimp with pain. Through conversations with friends this weekend, I was exploring why I physically feel better when in San Luis Obispo County or Ventura County as opposed to Orange County. First, I generally prefer the two former, which puts my mind at ease, translating to a physical ease. Second, there is much less stress from traffic. As soon as I get off the 5 and/or the 405, my body is less tense. Third, the air quality is better out of the more populated areas. Fourth, there is more nature visable and accessible in the more rural areas. Some people might say that this is only a psychological effect, and perhaps that is true. Whether there is an inherent biological component to feeling healthier in the prescence of nature or whether it is at first a psychological effect that transfer into a biological reaction is, I feel, in the end a moot point. Wherever I am, I am grateful for Autumn.

Thank you to everyone who remembered me on my birthday. I enjoyed lunch with my grandparents, father, and brother on Friday, followed by a visit from Drew and Carlene for a staycation in Fillmore. Sunday night I was blessed to have various friends descend for a helping of chocolate silk pie and a rousing round of Taboo. I also treasure the many good wishes sent from afar. Thanks!