I like to think this is me. Note the Greek orgins.

aes⋅thete

   /ˈɛsθit or, especially Brit., ˈis-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [es-theet or, especially Brit., ees-] Show IPA

–noun

1.	a person who has or professes to have refined sensitivity toward the beauties of art or nature.

2.	a person who affects great love of art, music, poetry, etc., and indifference to practical matters.

Also, esthete.

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Origin:
1880–85; < class="ital-inline">aisthēts one who perceives, equiv. to aisthē- (var. s. of aisthánesthai to perceive) + -tēs n. suffix denoting agent

Synonyms:
1. connoisseur. 2. dilettante.

Oops, I missed.

"Missing" is an interesting emotion, isn't it? There are so many types of missing. There is simply noticing a missing element. Or the gnawing ache of a permanent absence or loss. The wistful yearning for something or something that we acknowledge as a bonus rather than an integral part of our lives. I'm not intending to use poetic language but terms with which we can easily connect. I'm sure that there are many layers and types of missing. People probably write terribly depressing and insipid books on the subject. And of course I realize that the missings often blend together until we do not quite know how to describe them or solve them other than instant gratification, the presence of the missed. It is not a strange concept to want something that we do not have, but somehow the concept of missing seems more complex. Yes, the missed must have been ours in some capacity at one point in order to be later missed. Inherent, inherent. So perhaps it is the sense of loss that accompanies missing that makes it so poignant. I am uncertain as to how much rumination on this topic is beneficial.

I miss school and the Central Coast and London. I miss having structure and having various friends easily accessible. Generally I miss people who are no longer routinely in my life, but that aspect of missing has been decreasing since graduation. Perhaps the Lord wanted to break that off of me. In any case, my losses are relatively few and are generally due to the end of a season rather than to something or someones being taken from me. The beauty of loving the Lord is being at peace and content with where He has placed you and with whom. It is impossible for all of the missed to converge at once, nor would I be able to adequately appreciate all of them even if it were so. There is something to be said for capturing the moment while not holding on too tightly. Let go; let God. It's a theme of late, and I am happy to be able to extend it to this area of my life. It is a blessing how much more easily I am able to to end thought processes with that conviction. Amen.

Learning Style Test

Turns out I am a visual/verbal learner followed closely by visual/nonverbal. Surprise, surprise. I love personality tests!

You learn best when information is presented visually and in a written language format. In a classroom setting, you benefit from instructors who use the blackboard (or overhead projector) to list the essential points of a lecture, or who provide you with an outline to follow along with during lecture. You benefit from information obtained from textbooks and class notes. You tend to like to study by yourself in a quiet room. You often see information "in your mind's eye" when you are trying to remember something. 

Take the test here!

"Hard to plan the day"

A million and ten things to do, and I am uncharacteristically having difficulty focusing. I have the urge to create, to invest in a message that will embrace my varied audience. Yes, the audience that I am ignoring as individuals in favor of blog-therapy. Attempting to make my thoughts concrete is like trying to capture a sunset with crayons and a paper towel. Here are my scribblings:

The notion that I am able to be everything to everyone through even responding (much less saying the right thing at the right time) is ludicrous. Yet, I still try. I still create my to-do lists, sometimes because I enjoy them and sometimes as mild forms of reproach. ("Pink" letters, perhaps?) Today I was ruminating again on how Jesus spent the first thirty years of his life in ... what? Carpentry for a time. Jewish community, yes. During his ministry, Jesus certainly spent great amounts of time in "crisis relief work." Yet, He certainly had a ministry of friendship. He lived in community. He enjoyed spending time with His friends and foremost His Father.

Maybe I'm supposed to be using this time of unemployment to learn how to spend time with God first instead of with people. Even with few obligations, my time floats away so easily. I find myself wanting fulfillment through a career in crisis relief work. This is not inherently a wrong desire. However, when it distracts me from being content in this present season, it is a devious idol. The point is that if Jesus did not spend every waking moment in crisis relief work, than I doubt that is the call God has for my life. It's certainly not what I want, but I find myself feeling an uneasy guilt that I'm not attempting to save the world 24/7.

It occurred to me as I lugged one of the last boxes from the garage to my room to unpack that it is pride to think that God needs me to be working every second in order to bring salvation to the world. We fail to give God credit. Foolishly, we doubt that He is able to single-handedly able to rescue mankind. In a broken world, He commands us to extend His love and treat the "least of these" as we would treat Him. He clearly tells us to care for orphans and widows in their troubles. He commands us to remember those in chains as if chained with them. However, He does not need us. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are clearly supposed to help people, but only in the context of following Christ. We should go only where He is leading. I stumbled across this quote earlier today:

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
E. B. White

White sounds like an ENFJ. :)I need to be done planning and cogitating for now. Let go; let God. Amen.