Refrigerator Poem

Wander fully near a thousand rocks.

Recall your vision.

Stare between the shadows,

sad fingers of winter.

Whisper--have no fear.

Thanks to gifts from friends, I have two (now consolidated) sets of "poetry magnets." Am looking forward to being able to pull those out again. They're in sandwich bags in my crafty stuff drawer. I admit that I sorted the magnet words by grammatical purpose: noun, verb, adjective. In so doing, I discovered how many nouns are also verbs. Examples include: cook, look, book, lead, seed. This led to a fourth category. Yes, I am a word nerd.

Isaiah 40:27-31

Borders in Valenica is going out of business, so I splurged on a 20% off slim edition of the Message, both Old and New Testament. Plus, it's numbered. Here's a treat:


Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, 
or whine, Israel, saying, 
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.

Chortles

Weekend Highlights

Friday

Experienced Callen Christopher Miller. Favorite feature: 1.25 inch long Muppet hair.

Traded in clothing that cost less than $20 for $30 of credit at my favorite store in San Luis Obispo.

Dinner at Big Sky with Korie, Rocio, and Mom.

Peach ice cream at Rocio's.

Saturday

Snow on the ground in Carpenteria!

An encouraging conversation with a pastor's wife who identifies with my experience.

Sunday

Brief foray to Trader Joe's for botanical shampoo (only $2.99) and oatmeal soap. Exercised self-control by limiting my purchases to these items.

Scored a major deal at the Banana Republic outlet in Camarillo on suit (as in professional, not bathing) separates. No surprise that I am two sizes different between top and bottom. Thanks Deanna for your input.

Figured out how to make Gmail my default mail editor.

Read an awesome blog post by Joni Erickson Tada.

On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

 

Two options for photo/art display

I find I am often drawn to this type of framed display.

I like that the frames are matching but not identical.

Reduced to Nothing

Am reading When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty by Joni Erickson Tada and Steve Estes. She quotes Soren Kierkegaard: "God creates everything out of nothing. And everything to which God is to use, He first reduces to nothing." 


In the chapter about the emotional component of suffering, the book tells a story of a young child molested and beaten by her step father and neglected by her mother for several years. That child later read a tract and gave her life to the Lord on the very night she was going to commit suicide. As a mother, this woman struggled to forgive her parents. Joni writes:


Some would think Glenda's offense should be aimed against God rather than her parents. [Description of her suffering at the hands of her parents.] Where was God? Why not take offense at Him? What answers could possibly atone for such horrific treatment. "It would be better for [a man] to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin," says God Himself. (Luke 17:2). Fine: wicked men will one day face the anger of a righteous Judge, but what about now? 


We want answers now. But even if we know why, will it satisfy? We might ask, "Where was God? Was it His fault" and be assured that although He is sovereign, it was not his fault. Or, "Was it an assault from the Enemy?" and find that yes, it possibly was. Or we may press further, "Is it the consequence of living in a fall, wicked world, and not the direct personal assault of either the Devil or God?" and learn that, more than likely, it is. Back to square one: do such answers satisfy? Probably not. 


The next part talks about how in her hatred of her step father, Glenda would have gladly killed him. She had to acknowledge her hatred as sin and have the Lord take it away. Jesus loving us through His death on the cross is the answer. I've read some fairly logical explanations of the purpose and benefits of suffering. To some extent, I believe and embrace those explanations. Yet, even the best answers do not satisfy. I liked this paragraph quoted above because it brought a new thought: Even if God deigned to somehow let me, at this moment, fully understand all the workings of suffering and who is culpable for people's pains, I still would not be satisfied with the knowledge.

In the will of God

“The best thing is neither to seek nor avoid troubles but to follow Christ and take the bitter with the sweet as it may come. Whether we are happy or unhappy at any given time is not important. That we be in the will of God is all that matters. We may safely leave with him the incident of heartache or happiness. He will know how much we need of either or both.”

A.W. Tozer (as read in a blog post by Joni Erickson Tada) 

The last line is the one on which I reflect quite a bit, particularly as regards what I think of as "extreme" suffering. I have also been reading Joni's book When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty, co-authored with Steve Estes. I need these more balanced perspectives as I read stories of heartache -- and healing -- in the Congo, India, the USA, etc. I used to have a quote from Dante on my fridge: "And in His will is our peace."

Psalm 61

Psalm 61

To the Chief Musician. On a stringed instrument.^[a]A Psalm of David.

 ¹ Hear my cry, O God;
         Attend to my prayer.
 ² From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
         When my heart is overwhelmed;
         Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
       
 ³ For You have been a shelter for me,
         A strong tower from the enemy.
 ⁴ I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
         I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  Selah
       
 ⁵ For You, O God, have heard my vows;
         You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
 ⁶ You will prolong the king’s life,
         His years as many generations.
 ⁷ He shall abide before God forever.
         Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him!
       
 ⁸ So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
         That I may daily perform my vows.

If I wrote hymns, I would write one based on this Psalm. Isn't it amazing? As I was sharing with Beth on Wednesday, at this season of my life ... actually I do not remember quite how I put it. The basic point is that I am deliberately making choices in my faith daily and hourly. Things do not make sense, but I find myself saying "I will" just as the Psalmists did. (Did you know multiple people wrote the Psalms? Check the headings.) Sometimes the Psalmists seem to be rejoicing, other times making promises for the future, and sometimes choosing God when He seems distant and uncaring. Do you ever see all three interpretations in a single Psalm? (As an aside, I find David an interesting though frustating study.)

It's been an exhausting season, but these "I will" declarations seem more meaningful than in the past. I do not mean to brag because it generally takes me too long to get to them. Do you also feel something shift in your spirit when you say "I will" to God? Small echoes of Jesus in Gethsemane. 

The demonic character of Screwtape in C.S. Lewis' famous book says, "Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." I've always remembered that quote and though I've never had quite so dramatic experience as not seeing any trace of God, sometimes I hear stories of man's inhumanity or natural disasters and wonder, "Lord, I choose to believe you are working in this situation, but why won't you make it more obvious? You seem to be asking for more trust than we can manage, especially those who do not know you." C.S. Lewis published The Screwtape Letters in 1942. I can only imagine that during the horrors of warfare and the Holocaust "every trace Him [seemed] to have vanished" for many. There are always atrocities of that level happening somewhere in our world. They break me, and I am not even present!

Psalm 62 is amazing too. Seriously, you should read it.

Creative Headboards

I like the use of the door as a headboard. (P.S. I don't care for this growing trend of silhouettes.)

 Again, I like the door as headboard, though I prefer the one above.

An old brown wood headboard was repurposed with hooks and glass knobs (sigh of delight) to store craft supplies. I also love the look of cabinets whose drawers have been removed to use as shelves.

Wallpaper as headboard

The first three pictures were stolen from Design Sponge. I think the before and afters are the best thing that blog has going for it.

Pictures

Yes, my ruminations have been rather lacking of late; I have not had the energy to post. Alas, this state of affairs continues, so I bring you some random pictures.

 Anne and Frank Snyder

My Grandpa died October 31, 2010. I wanted to give my grandma an extra-special Christmas present since Grandpa would not be with us for the first time. (My grandparents spent 64 Christmases together.) I used a self-publishing website to publish a story my grandma wrote about her mother's stint in Alaska in 1919. I used this picture for the author's picture. Aren't my grandparents ridiculously good-looking? There aren't too many digital pictures of my grandparents, but this was their Christmas picture from last year. (I stole it off FB and cropped it, so the quality is terrible.)

Nellie Bly

As most of you know, I am on a constant quest to trim down my belongings, and I decided it was time for this doll to go. My trip to South Korea was for the purpose of attending an international Campus Crusade Conference, and I met people from dozens of countries. My friend from Cameroon (country in West Africa) is the only person with whom I still keep in touch. She and her friends were selling these dolls and such handmade from their country as a way to finance their trip. This doll has flown from Cameroon to South Korea to the USA! I really like her but have no place or use for her. Still, I couldn't manage to throw her away, so I put her on a shelf in the nursery at church. (P.S. The arcane caption is primarily for my own amusement. Kudos if you caught the reference.)

Picture perfect, but is the infatuation waning?

Owner tells all: neurotic outbursts, late night pillow romps, and erratic sleep patterns

Do not be deceived by this adorable creature. My cat has been exceptionally neurotic of late. Her contentment of simply observing or being curled up near the family has transformed into an obsession for attention in which she emphatically thrusts her head into your hand, under your arm, or against your leg until you acknowledge her existence. The strange thing is that once having gained your irritated ministrations, she does not linger to be petted. No! She continues her attack or plops herself down on top of whatever arch enemy is consuming your focus (book, keyboard, project). There is some deep life metaphor here that I am missing, but for now I am content to take advantage of our disproportionate sizes and kick her out (not literally) when she resorts to claws.

The Colgate Kids

This is an old picture that I ran across in my files. It's from Fall 2007 and taken in a park in London. I've always thought with a few touch ups, this would be an excellent toothpaste advertisement. Don't we all look happy with gorgeous teeth?

"with thanksgiving"

We interrupt our internet silence* at the suggestion of RWM to bring you this post of thanksgiving.


I am thankful for circumstances that have been irritating me of late:

• My mother's relentless inquisitiveness because it means she cares.
• Gas prices skyrocketing because I have more appreciation for my rambles and make a greater effort to carpool.
• Living in Fillmore ... I'm still working on a reason for this one. Because it's better than Irvine or Anaheim? Because God put me here? Because of the hills and orange trees? I guess I don't have to have a reason.
• Living at home because I am learning more about myself. 
• My family's messiness because sometimes it is good for me not to be in control. 
• Not having hours at my jobs because the lack does wonders for my overexaggerated sense of self-importance.
• Not knowing what God is up to in my life (i.e. having no plans) because I have to trust Him more.
• Knowing that this is not the right time for me to go back to school because every year masters programs in my field of interest are better developed.
• Being unable to adequately answer "how are you doing?" because the people who care demonstrate this by intuiting my state.
• Paul's metaphor of running the race because at least we're moving and the goal is worth the effort.
• And deeper trials because they are changing me for the better. 

*In addition to a "blogging break," I have not even opened Facebook since last year. Yes, over a month--and still counting--of Facebook abstinence! It certainly imparts a sense of empowerment. I may need to try this with entering the Goodwill.