Who am I?

"Wow, this sure is a lot of chocolate," the Whole Foods cashier commented casually as he scanned the fifth bar. Casually, but was there perhaps a tinge of admiration in his tone? Evidently the average Whole Foods customer does not buy his or her chocolate bars in bulk. Unabashedly, let me proclaim: Katie Brooks does! I am woman, hear me roar! No qualms there, but his comment prompted me to switch out of shopping list mode and quickly examine my purchases as a whole statement: fours bars of dark chocolate with fruit, one bar of pure Icelandic semi-dark chocolate, one can of fair trade chocolate protein power, one peach-colored bottle of fair trade Beautiful Curlz conditioner, one container of chocolate soy milk, and one bag of agave-sweetened granola. The shapes and earth tones and clever packaging phrases fused together before my eyes and converged in a clear revelation: I have become one of those people I used to make fun of. I am unsure as to which is more disconcerting: finding that my self-perception once again arrived late to the party or realizing that my grammar crumbles under the minor shock of self-discovery.

Yes, I have become a nutrition-conscious fair trade advocate who strides springily through Whole Foods swinging my reusable bags. (Okay, I exaggerated at the end of the sake of alliteration, but I do snicker snidely at the imaginary scene. Sorry.) Of course, I have noticed changes in my habits, but the blunt revelation at the check-out counter threw me--and thus provided not a few good laughs! My convictions regarding fair trade have been largely documented on this blog, so for the sake of my cogitations on self-perception, let's examine the nutrition aspect, shall we?*

For years, I was disdainful of many people who were, in my opinion, overly concerned with what they ate. Unfortunately, most of my acquaintances who took the time and care to research what they put inside of their bodies were no mere hobbyists. Rather, they were consumed with their body images. They often used their food choices to feel superior to people who were not as strict. My response? Hah! Poor carrot crunchers deluded into thinking they are satisfied with their thumb-sized portions of cheese. Yes, I will scarf that extra helping of lemon bars while rolling my eyes at the size fours stressing over their excess body fat. Why are they stressing? It's really not that big of a deal! Forget "You are what you eat!" Who you are is so much more important that what you eat! For me, eating healthily was commendable in theory but not worthy of the time, effort, and agony demonstrated.

Are you catching my mistake? My self-perception was that I was free from obsessive and prideful dietary rules. Yet, failing to test my attitudes towards nutrition against God's truth, I was just as trapped by pride as many of the people I condemned. It should be obvious that both obsession with nutrition and neglect of nutrition are unhealthy in every respect. Growing closer to God and observing better examples of nutrition advocates has slowly changed me over the past three years. Somewhere along the way I grasped why intentional nutrition should be a priority. Although still reluctant to invest much time in the subject, I do now--gasp!--read labels instead of scrupulously ignoring them and have come up with some general--second gasp in one sentence!--rules. All this while steadily consuming chocolate and avoiding peas and eggs. Life is good.

Self-perception frustrates me because its uniqueness limits litmus tests. In other words, how do I check the accuracy of my self-perception? Is it true that I think and therefore I am? How do I measure the gaps between what I think of myself and who I truly am? Should I ...

a.) Memorize forty-five Bible verses about my identity in Christ? 

b.) Take every personality test online? 

c.) Poll my family and random people at a gas station? 

d.) Change my (non-existent) Facebook status to say: "If Katie was a superhero, who would she be?"

e.) None of the above?

In the end, we know the answer, right? We check our self-perception with God's Word and with the truth of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has come to convict us of sin and of righteousness. He has come to speak truth. Truth. Pure truth. My "self-improvement" prayer is often, "God, show me how You see things. Help me to have Your perspective." Oh friends, sometimes the thought of truly having God's perspective terrifies me, but it is an essential part of loving Him, and I will not give up.

*Yes, dark chocolate is most certainly nutritious! Have you ever heard of antioxidants? No? Please be aware--oxidants are dangerous business and you definitely want to take measures against them! What? You say although dark chocolate is healthier than its lighter cousin, it still has plenty of fat and sugar? Hmm, here we have one consumer not swayed by relentless marketing campaigns! Good for you. Now get over yourself and go eat some antioxidants.