Hope Rising Winter Quarter Newsletter

A Word from Katie Rhodes

Katie Rhodes Hope Rising Board Member My two favorite Christmas carols are "What Child is This?" and "Come, O Come, Emmanuel." Both are wistful tunes transitioning into the triumphant tone of the Christmas miracle-that God would come dwell with humankind. The Message puts it this way: "The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes,the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, generous inside and out, true from start to finish." (John 1:14) The miracle of Christmas is that God desires relationship with people. Relationships are central to the Christian faith. Indeed, although many people view the Bible as a rule book, it can also be viewed as a relationship manual, filled with guidelines on how to live in right relationship with each other. As an anti-trafficking advocate, I am often surprised and disappointed by how often people want to separate relationships from their response to trafficking. People ask me: "What can I do?" and less frequently "How can I give?" Doing and giving are absolutely essential in the fight against human trafficking. Yet, we cannot divorce our doing and giving from our being. Traffickers intentionally target victims who do not have adequate support. They look for people who display pain and loneliness. We may picture these victims as being recruited in a developing country, smuggled into the United States, and tricked into a trafficking situation. This does happen. Yet, the majority of trafficking victims in the United States are United States citizens who are being trafficked by other citizens. In many cases these are children. A theme emerges from their stories of exploitation-a theme of broken relationships. Oftentimes, these children are recruited from broken homes. Many-perhaps even most depending on which statistic you believe-were involved in the child welfare system. Many were sexually abused as children. Most do not trust adults or feel safe in their surroundings. Some come from good homes and are simply searching for adventure and romance as they reach their teenage years. The overwhelming majority of domestic trafficking victims are recruited into their trafficking situation. That recruitment takes the form of relationship. The 14-year-old girl who was molested by her uncle at age 12 posts online that she feels ugly and worthless. A man responds that she is more beautiful than she realizes, and they begin to chat. A 15-year-old girl runs away from her group home because she's been on her own in every sense that counted since age 10, and she doesn't want these strangers telling her what to do. Homeless, she meets a man on the street who offers her a place to stay. You see, most victims are looking for love. When we realize that traffickers are intentionally preying on our least loved, it is up to us to reach those children and adults first. Prevention strategies should absolutely include education in schools, awareness campaigns, and enhanced legislation. However, these will not end the cycle of abuse. Relationship will end the cycle. Mentoring of vulnerable youth is an essential prevention strategy. Big Brothers and Big Sisters, CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), and other mentoring programs are vital anti-trafficking programs. Similarly, restoration and healing efforts should include housing, legal assistance, therapy, etc. However, healthy relationship is perhaps the most important component in healing for trafficking survivors. Most survivors do not have people in their lives who are not paid to be there. Law enforcement, social workers, legal advocates, etc. - as caring and competent as these people are, they usually leave when their assignment with the survivor ends. Thus, friendship and mentoring become paramount to the support circle of the survivor. One survivor told me, "It can be days before my phone rings." No wonder many survivors are tempted to return to their abuser. Even though that person attempts to control them completely, many survivors mistake that intensity for the intimacy they crave. So this holiday season, please take the time to reach out to the vulnerable people in your life. Let them know they are remembered and valued. Give them your time and attention. This is prevention. This is restoration. This is relationship. Katie Rhodes is a board member of Hope Rising Ministries and the Local Programs Director for Forever Found, a nonprofit in Ventura County working for the prevention, rescue, and restoration of child trafficking victims. Forever Found has recently launched a mentoring program for local survivors. You can find out more information by emailingkatie@foreverfound.org. Katie Rhodes  Board Member, Hope Rising Ministries www.hoperisingministries.org

The Delight is in the Details

More raw photos from my favorite photographer, 

age 4 years and 5 months at the time of these shots

Fresh out baby

Self-Portrait

Twelve Textures

More amazing, unedited pictures from a four-year-old wandering around his backyard with a camera. Makes you question that overpriced stuff at Tate Modern.

Boston

B graduated from Lesley University

Massachusett's Avenue

Trader Joe's in Cambridge!

The library where I did NOT go to school. My condolence is that it is so cold in the winter that they have to use tunnels between buildings.

Photography Project

I'm helping my friend promote a photography project. This unstaged, unedited series captures a lazy backyard BBQ.

Yep, that's me.

So, what do you think?

A word on the photographer: he is four-years-old and had not used a camera before this first series. Every picture was unposed and only had one "take." I always said he was a genius.

When did us adults start become afraid of trying new things?

Hope Rising Ministries

In addition to my anti-trafficking work through Forever Found, I am very proud to be on the board of Hope Rising Ministries, a faith-based nonprofit headquartered in Texas that is likewise dedicated to ending human trafficking. Hope Rising's main project at the moment is the establishment of a safe aftercare home on a ranch in Texas for American girls who have survived sex trafficking. The property has been purchased, and we are raising funds for the buildings and proper licensing. I've visited the ranch and felt my soul relax and expand watching the horses cavorting in the sunset. Our equine therapy program is already up and running serving survivors who are housed elsewhere, and we're seeing definite results in girls opening up and learning to trust and rising to the responsibility of proper horse care.

One of the main reasons I have confidence and commitment to Hope Rising Ministries is my friendship with Sherri Clement, our founder. I attended a Hope Rising fundraiser in Santa Paula several years ago and heard Sherri speak about her outreach to women in the sex industry. Over the next few months I was pretty busy with work but felt as though God was telling me to get in touch with Sherri. After (finally) contacting her, I found out that she had kept several business cards from the fundraiser and prayed over connecting with those people. Of course, one of the business cards was mine. I ended up volunteering for Hope Rising for about a year. Sherri and I both became certified as Hands that Heal trainers, a faith based training for aftercare providers. After putting on a four day training in Houston together, Sherri and I traveled to Thailand to train staff at two aftercare homes for child trafficking victims. 

Just arrived in the Bangkok airport via Korea - legit Thai ice tea!

Getting a fish pedicure in Chiang Mai

A lifelong dream!

Being unexpectedly hatted + hugged by an elephant
(As you can see, I am ecstatic!)


We had a lot of fun adventures but also saw some heartbreak in Thailand and on an unexpected jaunt across the border to Burma. We tried not to take too many pictures of the kids in the aftercare homes to respect their privacy.

Burmese immigrants living in a dump in Mae Sot, Thailand

Home in the dump

Literally walking over the border into Burma

Burmese gas station

Unless you're CIA trained, it's pretty hard to hide who you really are after 27-hour transcontinental trips, strange diets, shifting schedules, and dramatic stories of healing and heartbreak. Sherri has one of the kindest and most generous hearts I have ever had the pleasure to encounter. She asks Jesus to change and grow her and she leans into heartache to offer healing. Plus, she was brave enough to venture into Burma! It's pretty neat to be able to see someone's character in such an unusual setting, and I'm glad that she is the leader of Hope Rising.

You can find out more about Hope Rising Ministries through our website and also through their Facebook page, which I help to propagate. If your heart is to support equine therapy or an aftercare home for American children, this is definitely a good investment for your donation.

Life in the fast lane

This blog has declined in output ever since I ...

Married this guy

Started grad school for social work

Started working at Forever Found

My new series of blog posts will focus less on musings and more on the projects and lessons from these pursuits.

Margie, Bobby has something to tell you.

Remember when you were little and committed a minor transgression, such as pinching your sister when she kept taunting your abundance of freckles, and a frazzled yet determined adult negotiated with you to "say you're sorry"? Usually, you ended up muttering a snide apology to avoid being further criminalized. If you happened to be the sister who was pinched, your job as the "nice", wronged person was to quote with a note of smugness, "I forgive you."

Okay, so we're taught these roles when we are youngsters, and then really never taught a very grown up way to forgive. Either we refuse to forgive people, thinking our stonewalling will somehow "show" them or we pretend that they are sooooo unimportant and insignificant in our lives that of course we forgive them, in fact, we don't even need to forgive them, because their decisions matter so little to us.

So we're going along, socially set, and then one day we hear that forgiveness is "about you", not about the other person. This new age fluff really doesn't make much sense. Those other people were the ones who were wrong, nasty, rude, insensitive clods! They should have to earn our forgiveness. Duh. Weren't these do-good forgiveness preachers ever kids?

The excerpt below is the least "do-good" and most sense-filled explanation I have read in some time on why forgiveness really is about the restoration of your soul and why unforgiveness (fortunately or unfortunately) doesn't actually affect the other person much. Also, it explains why maybe those controlling yet well-meaning adults might have had something right about the importance of "saying sorry". The excerpt is lifted straight from Sacred Intersections (Chapter 5) by Steve Adams. After you finish it, if you still want to control add some rules to your relationship crashes, consider heading over to Dr. Gary Chapman's site to find out your apology language. There is nothing like being able to tell someone who is trying to apologize: "You're doing it wrong!"  It's a useful self-awareness piece to understand why sometimes an apologize is meaningful and others times it's about as tolerable as your neighbor blaring "Blurred Lines" at 2:30am.*

Source

There are always at least three entities impacted in a relational crash. The first two are the individuals who run into each other, and the third entity is the relationship that exists between them. (Sometimes, of course, there are other relationships and individuals that are impacted as well.)

To whatever degree a person is at fault in a crash, the repair to his own personhood is his responsibility. The healing begins when he fully admits fault, expresses regret to the other person involved, and seeks forgiveness.

As for the other person--the one wronged in the crash--the only path to his personal restoration is forgiveness.

The third dimension, the relationship itself, can only be repaired when both of those personal dimensions are done--with honest regret on the one hand and forgiveness on the other. And, depending on how deep the relationship was and the severity of the crash, it may be relatively easy to pick up where you left off. Or it may take a long period of rebuilding trust for you to get back to a healthy place. 

Given that the knowledge of good and evil resides within us, it is not easy to admit our faults or to offer forgiveness. We have to work against our propensity to control things in order to do so. To admit a mistake and ask for forgiveness is to put the other person in control of the relationship. It does not, however, put them in control of you. In admitting your fault and seeking forgiveness, you are restoring your own soul. At that point, the response of the other person has no power over you. You are free to turn your heart toward them and be at rest in your own soul, regardless of how they respond.

Only the relationship itself is at risk at that point. And it's important to note that the previous level of relationship was already lost when the crash occurred. By asking for forgiveness, you are not risking anything that isn't lost already. If then other person forgives you, then you can move forward again. If not, then things merely remain where they already are. You may feel grief at the loss of the relationship, but the wellness of your own soul isn't lost.

Likewise, offering forgiveness is a personal choice that leads to freedom and wholeness in your own soul. On that level, it is independent of the other person involved. Unforgiveness, even if feels "justified", actually doesn't have any direct impact on the other person. It only gnaws away at you. If the other person doesn't admit any fault and hasn't sough forgiveness, withholding forgiveness doesn't do you any good. In fact, at that point, you have made yoru own sense of well being dependent on them. You ahve no control over whether or not they will ever admit to anything or accept any resonsibility. Instead of having power over them, you have given them power over you! You have made yourself into a victim and a slave to their choices.

Withholding forgiveness from people who have admitted their fault and asked for forgiveness has the same net effect. Their own sense of well-being isn't determined by whether or not you offer them forgiveness. So, withholding forgiveness from them will only cause bitterness in you. Many people carry a grudge--sometimes for years and years--thinking that in some way they are hurting or harming the other person. They reality is, they are only harming themselves. With forgiveness comes freedom.

-End of excerpt-

*Yes, this really happened to me. Recently. And loudly. Very. very loudly. As an affront to my femininity and humanity. Also, as an assault on my sleep. No, the neighbor has not apologized. Yes, he/she remains unforgiven. And this just proves the point! The neighbor is trolling around in relative bliss, content in his/her misogynistic mindset, whereas I sit here days later with my soul steaming, spilling my ire onto social media, breeding bitterness.

Congrats to me

The prolonged absence from my adoring readers is not my fault. You can assign blame onto the broad shoulders of BDR who had the overwhelming audacity to propose to me on Christmas Eve, thus inferring with my entire holiday schedule and hijacking all conversational topics for two weeks. Here is a picture of my reaction:

Okay, I lied. That picture was taken a few hours afterwards, but I think it captures the spirit of the occasion. I am dazed but happy; BDR is relieved. Ta da!

Flashback Friday

As a little human toddling about, I was...

...attracted to books.
...convinced my baby sister was my personal living doll.
...fond of canned peaches.
...strangely capable of listing all 39 books of the old Testament through song.
...exceptionally chatty.

Not much has changed, except I'm no longer terribly enthused about canned peaches.

Guilt-Free Gratitude

Indian Nomad - National Geographic

Sometimes we are "guilted" into gratefulness by exposure to people who own less than us or are in more pain. The contrast principle can be helpful in realizing the preciousness of our gifts, but surely there has to be a way for us to value what we have been given due to its own merits. My family is a gift because of who they are, not because other people's families are abusive or neglectful. My creature comforts are a gift whether or not I ever realize the depth of other people's poverty.

Today I am grateful for:

-supernatural grace

-living in safety

-mobility

-literacy

-loving friends and family

Birthday Weekend

Festivities to commence shortly

Friends

A multitude of friends!

Mom getting her fix

Eager to feed the fish!

Consumption!

Pre-prandial pose