A friend recently emailed me this verse: "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." Proverbs 31:25
The time to come? It has been awhile since I have made plans for more than a few weeks ahead, which is unusual for me. Generally I am mentally scheduling for the next five years, always looking ahead to be efficiently prepared. Pain brings an inability to focus much on anything other than the present, and I have begrudgingly come to appreciate this forced state of mind.
The email made me consider, do I laugh at the time to come? In the context of this passage, of being physically prepared for a variety of circumstances, yes! I am confident that the Lord will take care of me, and that I am utilizing my skills and resources wisely. But the future in general? I just do not have energy to think of it.
On harder days, the future discourages me. You mean I have to keep going? And going? Ten years? Twenty? Fifty? Heaven forbid--more? A few months ago I realized that I woke up each morning expecting more challenges, more sad moments, more hard truths. I asked myself Why aren't you also on the lookout for good things? Some wonderful surprise might happen. They happen quite often to you, actually. Why are you only expecting bad things?
Frankly, I gave myself so little grace to respond proportionately to the rapid-fire series of--shall we euphemistically say "challenges"--that happened last fall, that it took quite some time to find the upswing. Recognizing my morning pessimism was one of many valuable self-revelations that confirmed I've walked through the middle of the valley. I've shifted into more of a neutral mood in the mornings, but some days now find me once again excited trying to imagine all the things God has in store, like a small child trying to guess her Christmas presents.
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