On being vulnerable

Since high school, God has continued to teach me about humility, and it has been transforming. I remember reading Philippians 2 a few years ago and being astounded that Jesus humbled Himself. The beauty of humility is that it is a focus on the supremacy of God rather than the depravity of man. The focus MUST be on God.

Over the past two years, I began experiencing being vulnerable. This is not something I have heard taught much either by my parents or church leaders. It has been strange to navigate, and I tried to figure it out as I went along. I've been taught to sacrificially love people but also take care of myself. Vulnerability is surrendering my self-interests in a way that leaves me exposed to danger. Honestly, I have not tried to define this until tonight. I've thought much about agape love, about putting other people first regardless of the cost to self. I'm not sure what makes vulnerability different. Perhaps it is love with more to lose?

In any case, tonight I was thinking of how vulnerability stemming from humility is beautifully strong. Surrendering my "rights" and my desires and leaving myself open to risk requires an identity grounded in God's sovereign love. It requires trust that God will take care of me and a commitment to emulating God's character rather than protecting myself. After all, God became man knowing that He would be rejected, scorned, and put to death. Yet, He offers perfect love to all.

For me, vulnerability is still hard. I haven't had too many opportunities to practice it. (Please keep in mind that I am not recommending a complete abandonment of caution or self-care. Use wisdom!) Yet, there is also joy and peace in choosing it. I know that God has chosen me. He is my everlasting Father. He will take care of me. When people hurt me, He remains. When I make mistakes and hurt myself and others, He remains. He is worth these earthly troubles, and choosing His character is certainly worth the risk of hurt.

One last thought, being vulnerable is also tied into choosing to live without fear. I think it was April or May that I realized how much fear was controlling me. This frightened me in a good way back to goodness and mercy. The Bible says (somewhere it is written, 1 John 3 or 4, I think) that perfect love casts out fear. Anyway, the point is don't choose vulnerability and then sit cowering, waiting for the blow. Instead, choose to love God and love people because love is much stronger than fear. So, choose love over fear. Choose vulnerability over self-preservation. God is the only one who can take care of you anyway. Let go of those illusions of control.

Friends, I am in a season that is meant to be hard. Long story short, I have struggled with this, thinking that nothing in my life should qualify for that adjective in light of other people's far greater afflictions. God has reminded me that my life is the life of Katherine Lynne Brooks. He has designed me with a plan and a purpose, and right now He is teaching me to trust Him and to be humble and vulnerable even when it seems foolish. Again, He is worth it. This is a wonderfully difficult time.