Maybe I push when I'm meant to be still.

Isn't it wonderful how God is so faithful in the details? Thanks to my friend Aimee's recommendation, this week I began part-time data entry of medical surveys. Though I anticipated the hours to be mind-numbingly tedious, they have actually proved a welcome respite for my currently over-active brain. As you know (from reading this blog, of course), lately I have been pondering many different aspects of suffering. Today I realized that reading these surveys about patients' experience with their medical specialists continues this theme but is much milder than reading about human rights violations. Also, I borrowed Pop's neolithic iPod (the Sylvania SMP2012 2GB), but even though I put several songs on it, only one would play. The first two lines of that song, which I listened to about 12 times, are: "Maybe I push when I'm meant to be still; maybe I take it all too personal. Jesus, how to reconcile?" Ah, that was convicting! I spent a year doing that and must constantly remind myself not to do so in this season. Not very subtle, God! He was saying, don't forget! Don't go back to that! You're right where I want you! Stay the course. Be still. (I'm good at pushing, not so much being still.)

They're beautifully counter-intuitive blessings, these moments in life when you realize that God has you right where He wants you, in the perfect place at the perfect time, and it's not what you would have imagined at all. Two months ago, I would have shuddered at the thought of entering medical surveys in Fillmore for three hours while contemplating suffering and listening to a Newsboy's song on repeat. Today, it was God's way of taking care of me. I'm glad He's in charge.