In His Arms

God, do you hear? God, do you see? God, do you care?

There are so many people asking these questions worldwide. I ask them myself. What is it in us that has the audacity to reach out to the divine? Lately I have been blessed by friends who do not expect me to be cheerful or feel a certain way. They encourage me, reminding me of truth, but let me process this season. This is a reflection of a larger experience I am having with God, coming before Him time and again, embarrassed that I am not "fixed," apologetic for my continuing struggles. He is so gentle; this melts my heart. I realize anew (and more deeply) that He does not expect me to have it all together. He knows I fall flat without Him. He knows I can only get so far. He knows how I will react to every situation. He has so much compassion for me.

I do not mean to imply that God does not have the ultimate standard of purity and righteousness. What I am trying to say, is that (unlike me) He does not expect me to achieve any more than He gives me the resources to do so. For example, I generally think I should be able to control my emotions. Hah! So time and time again, when I come to God with my emotions all over the place, whirling around from my attempts to corral them, He is gentle because He does not expect me to possess the necessary supernatural ability to discipline them without His help. Maybe another way to explain this is through the verse: I can do all things through Christ who strengths me (Philippians 4:13). Believing the promise of this verse, I beat myself up because I cannot do all things, forgetting the second half. Yes, with God's help, it is possible to be in emotional control, but perhaps He wants me to go through a season of emotional turmoil. With God's help, it is possible to instantly land a job, but perhaps He wants me to wait. It is possible to say the right thing at the right time, but maybe He wants me to listen. Make sense? This is probably somewhat disjointed, but the bottom line is that I need to hold myself to God's standard, not my version of God's standard. His grace is sufficient for me, and I have been blessed by His tenderness and acceptance not of my sin but in spite of my sin. In this season, He is welcoming my frailty. It is incredibly humbling.