My night in

a. My shiny, sleek, brand-new electric kettle courtesy of a Target sale and gift card from a friend. This has been on the "to purchase someday" list since my jaunt in Europe four years ago.
b. Pukka tea (UK brand) bestowed by another generous friend. This type: "night-time tea" comprised of organic oat flour, lavender, limeflower, and valerian.
c. The only current TV show I watch: HGTV DesignStar! Almost caught up with this season.
d. Still housesitting close to work: space, quiet, and 1/3 of the commute!

Although I still spend most of my awake time with people, I have become markedly more introverted over this past year, and I am relishing solitude tonight. 

Regarding my socially unexpected absence from Facebook

Although it has only been four months since I officially took the plunge of deactivating my Facebook account, I have now completed nine and a half months of Facebook abstinence. Nine and a half months! Gee, I could have become pregnant and given birth in this time, which is probably why nine months always seems such an important anniversary to me. It seems an appropriate gestation period for people to transition to accommodate a birth. 

So, what has been growing these months without Facebook? Well, I feel that my relationships are stronger. I may not be updated on all of my acquaintances, but the people who wanted to maintain a relationship have made the effort. My time previously spent scouring hundreds of pictures and statuses has been shifted to worthier pursuits: resting, exercising, blogging, visiting. Finally, it has helped me to live more in the present by eliminating what was essentially the photojournal from the past five years. 

Let me be clear that I do not think Facebook is morally reprehensible or intellectually degenerate. On the contrary, I think it is a great tool for keeping in contact with people and sharing pictures. For me, it became more of a distraction than a tool, and I am grateful for the freedom born from my time away. 

Laughing at the future

A friend recently emailed me this verse: "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." Proverbs 31:25

The time to come? It has been awhile since I have made plans for more than a few weeks ahead, which is unusual for me. Generally I am mentally scheduling for the next five years, always looking ahead to be efficiently prepared. Pain brings an inability to focus much on anything other than the present, and I have begrudgingly come to appreciate this forced state of mind. 

The email made me consider, do I laugh at the time to come? In the context of this passage, of being physically prepared for a variety of circumstances, yes! I am confident that the Lord will take care of me, and that I am utilizing my skills and resources wisely. But the future in general? I just do not have energy to think of it. 

On harder days, the future discourages me. You mean I have to keep going? And going? Ten years? Twenty? Fifty? Heaven forbid--more?  A few months ago I realized that I woke up each morning expecting more challenges, more sad moments, more hard truths. I asked myself Why aren't you also on the lookout for good things? Some wonderful surprise might happen. They happen quite often to you, actually. Why are you only expecting bad things?

Frankly, I gave myself so little grace to respond proportionately to the rapid-fire series of--shall we euphemistically say "challenges"--that happened last fall, that it took quite some time to find the upswing. Recognizing my morning pessimism was one of many valuable self-revelations that confirmed I've walked through the middle of the valley. I've shifted into more of a neutral mood in the mornings, but some days now find me once again excited trying to imagine all the things God has in store, like a small child trying to guess her Christmas presents.

Survival of the fittest?

October is shaping up to be a magical month of respite after one of my most busy summers. Tonight, I made it through the craziness of September! I survived the conference we hosted at work; I survived the destination wedding; I survived twenty tutoring sessions; I survived switching cars from Anatevka to the M6; I survived transitioning to a new volunteer commitment; I survived life in ministry for one more month. Now for catching up with all of the odds and ends (such a useful phrase) that have accumulated over the past several weeks.

With a bit more time available, here are some goals for the next few months: 
1.) Give away 1/3 to 1/2 of my belongings.
2.) Increase exercise to three or four days a week.
3.) Rest.
4.) Read at least four or five of the books in the waiting stacks.
5.) Practice Spanish.
6.) Watch a movie. (Sounds silly, but it rarely happens.)

Disabled Christianity

Jeff McNair is one of my co-workers whose devotion to disability ministry is inseparable from his faithfulness as a friend to people of all descriptions. He wrote an insightful post today about the various levels of suffering and the sovereignty of God. He articulated thoughts that pass through my mind on a daily basis. You can read his post here. It is short, simple, and thought-provoking. 

Here is the description of his blog: "Disabled Christianity:Discussion of issues related to Christianity/theology and persons with disability, and disability ministry hosted by Jeff McNair, a Special Education professor. Jeff and his wife Kathi have been involved in ministry with adults with intellectual disabilities for 35 years."