Untapped depths?

I seem to glean nuggets of self-insight during job interviews. Strangely for me, I don't try to anticipate all of the questions and plan stunning answers. Rather, I formulate my opinion on the job and how well-suited I am, my views on the organization, and possible weaknesses to support. My interviews are therefore generally quite pleasant; rarely does the actual interview cause stress. The point of this explication is to relate one of the most interesting questions I have yet received: do you have a writing style? I don't remember my exact answer, but I believe I related that I tailor my output to my audience while tending to be a bit formal. The question was original, and I wished I had a better answer. (I still lack an adequate one.) The follow-up question was what type of writing I liked best, and immediately I answered correspondence. It was insightful, as I had never previously pondered the question.

It's interesting how questions can inspire truths at which it is hard for me to arrive solely through self-analyzing. It probably has to do with how God designed me with the need to verbalize. Truths sink in when I say them to someone else. Even repeating them aloud to myself helps. Interesting the way people's minds work. In a way it's good to know I can still surprise myself, though I think I attribute it to untapped depths rather than lack of self-discernment. Oh, silly me. :)

Loving "too much"?

It is probably impossible to love any human being simply "too much." We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinancy. ~ C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves

This is such truth. I've long known I cannot love people correctly without God's love pouring through me. Moreover, the more I love God, the more I am able to extend love to others. Lewis is not saying anything I have not realized and experienced, but he puts the matter in such admirable perspective. Praise God for gifting people such as Lewis.

Email Update

Hello Everyone,

Thank you more than I can articulately convey for your invaluable prayers and encouraging emails. As an update, my grandfather's health has improved more than we could have hoped. The morning of my email, his fever was 103.7, and he was refusing to eat and drink. The fire department had visited twice over the past two days due to a fall and his increasing fever. We honestly thought that it was time. I arrived at 3pm, one hour before the intensive care hospice nurse. A few minutes before the nurse came in, Grandpa awoke on his own and was relatively chatty. The nurse took his temperature and found that it had gone down to 98.6! I am convinced this was an answer to prayer. Though the fever rose again in the evening, it never reached 100 degrees. We saw Grandpa on Christmas, and though his health is generally precarious, he is out of danger. It was a blessing to be able to spend time with him when he was in good spirits and mobile enough to move out of bed.

As for myself, I am home in Fillmore until I find a job. The search was postponed for about a week and a half for Christmas, 24-hour stomach flu, a wedding in San Diego, and moving. Though I wish for employment, I am reminding myself to be open to what God wants for me in Fillmore. If "nothing else," I will be able to spend significant time with my family and friends in Ventura County and perhaps travel a bit north to visit other friends. It has occured to me during my over-zealous analyzing that God is also blessing me with the free time for which I have so often longed over the past three years. In this period of my life I am reminded again and again of Ephesians 2:10, which is written in the context of our salvation by grace through faith - For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we might walk in them.

Amen! And thanks again.

Katie

Philosophy

Moving yet again...this is getting to be a hobby. I'm grateful for all the help I've received. This is one of the least arduous moves I have completed. The only catch is that I must condense to one room, which is a project I have long been anticipating. It is a blessing to simplify.

I wish that I had something profound to share, something unusually insightful that has been washing my brain, gently scrubbing the remnants of my gnawed concerns and unnecessary self-obligations. Once upon a time on a rare chilly day in San Diego, I found myself prone on a beach with Brian King and Kevin Dyck. The drizzle of conversation had a momentary lull and Brian preempted Kevin by declaring that, as I was a habitual thinker, I should share whatever I had recently been pondering. It was probably something theological in nature and in the silence that ensued one of them inquired as to my life philosophy, expecting, I believe, a prolonged declaration replete with medieval vocabulary words. Without ever having verbalized it, I knew it was simply, "Love God, love people." Obviously it's not original, but for once I'm pleased with that because I can never improve upon truth. Amen.

That's all I have to say for today. This contemplative mood is not translating well to the written word. My apologies for my feeble attempts. I'm off to nap under my down comforter and then drive to San Clemente to have fondue with the lovely Erica. Praise God for all His blessings. Amen.

Grateful Debutante

This morning (or rather afternoon) I lingered in bed until even Emily affectionately descried me as a bum. I vaguely remember stumbling downstairs in response to Pop's shouts (no recollection of what he wanted), consuming two Cutie tangerines while conversing with Mom, and trudging back upstairs to bed. At some point Jeremy covered me with his Mexican blanket because my room was frigid. A few hours later I determinedly shoved aside my mental To Do list and concentrated instead on thankfulness. What a blessing to be able to lounge! What a blessing to be in a (relatively) warm and safe room filled entirely with things that belong to me. So many things, in fact, that I am in the process of sorting and condensing. What a blessing to have people and events at whom/which to look forward. What a blessing to know that there are people thinking and praying for me today. What a blessing to have such a profusion of love in my life. What an immeasurable blessing to have the King of Heaven as my friend.

A startling thought occurred while ruminating on my blessings: I am akin to one of the rich aristocracy of whom I read. Yes, I am poorer than ever and have no assets other than a college degree from an American consumerist point of view. However, I have long acknowledged that I am one of the richest people in the world. At the moment, I am referring solely to material possessions. Incredible that I should be one of the richest people in the world, but in terms of sheer numbers, it is true. Specifically today, it horrified me to realize how close I was to being one of the naive, spoiled society debutantes from literature who fails to help the poor around her though it would be easier and more fulfilling than spending the day in self-amusement. From a global perspective, I am upper class. In reading history, we are so condemning of the rich, but do we realize that we ARE the rich today? Though I do not have much money to give, I can certainly give of my time and talents even while I wait for the Lord to provide a job. In the meantime, I think I will return to visiting the convalescent home. That is a ministry simple and profound --

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. James 1:27