On Aspiration
Per usual, today's to-do list began over-ambitiously and became completely overthrown with new, immediate requests. Unexpectedly, I found myself in Vons with only two items to purchase and an "Express Lane" that was dawdling all the way into the food aisles. On the premise that it is better to be behind one person who has a truckload of groceries than ten people with a handful, I stationed myself resignedly behind a transaction in the works and a middle-aged blonde who was busily unloading towers of frozen food boxes. All of a sudden, the blonde cheerily offered, "Would you like to go ahead of me?" and graciously affirmed my obvious relief. As I left the store, my mood was disproportionately lighter thanks to my lucky -- and kind -- break. Emerging into the sun, I thought, I want to be that kind of person! Someone who is naturally helpful in small, undramatic ways. If I set my mind to it, it could grow into an unconscious habit. Belatedly, it occurred that the sole reason I was in Vons was to buy a gift card for people in need whom I had met fifteen minutes earlier while at the post office sending out gifts. ... It's a surreal moment when you realize you have somehow (slowly? surely?) become the type of person you always wanted to be, at least for one day.
On Bad Choices
Due to my unusual hobbies, I have spent a substantial chunk of emotional energy the past year being angry with people who "blame the victim". The situation that gets me the most is when people reason (or fail to reason) that somehow a "prostitute" is responsible for her circumstances, not the man who sexually abused her when she was young, the trafficker/pimp who controls her through terror and mind games, or the "customers" who purchase her body. Somehow, she is purportedly responsible for her circumstances because she made "bad choices". Since I know a little bit about how young people usually end up in prostitution, I look at her situation and think If all she knows is abuse disguised as love, broken relationships, and poverty; if she mentally, emotionally, and physically controlled by someone who is violent and vicious; if she does not have anyone to come rescue her and nowhere to go if she left -- then how can she have the freedom to make a choice? And somewhere in my anger about prejudice towards the oppressed, I became prejudiced towards people who are ignorant of the oppressed.
Mental breakthrough: People certainly need to be held accountable for their choices, but sometimes they are not able to make a healthy choice. Unconsciously, I often hold people to the standard of my life experience when deciding whether or not they had the ability to make a healthy choice. That's just plain silly. Also, remarkably self-centered. And certainly unprofitable. It's easy for me to see that many women who are prostituted do not have the freedom to decide to leave. It took a bit longer to realize that the person who is condemning victims of sex trafficking may not have enough knowledge of the situation to prompt a compassionate response. So now when I find myself frustrated with people's choices, I ask myself if they have the ability, including knowledge, to make a healthy choice. This practice has considerably lessened my private diagnoses of "self-satisfied nincompoop".
On Expectations
Healthy people usually make healthy choices. Unhealthy people usually make unhealthy choices. A person's mental, physical, and emotional states of health are partially a result of their choices and partially a result of other's choices and sometimes a result of nature freakishly intervening. Sounds pretty straightforward, right? Then why do we keep expecting sick people to make healthy choices? Someone whose spouse abruptly ran off is probably doing well just showing up to work, so don't expect him to be able to be generous or a good listener for awhile. And why do we think that a healthy choice for a sick person looks identical to the choices for healthy people? Someone with a broken leg will only hurt it further if he tries to simply walk on it with no cast or crutches. The under the table job for someone with a criminal record might be the only way for him to quit dealing. Life is messy. Are we willing to be the support for hurting people? If not, then it is entirely unjust for us to expect them to behave as if they were well. (See thoughts above on ability before responsibility.)
On Timeliness
Actually, I have nothing constructive to say on this topic, as I appear to be running late for yet another engagement. (See opening sentences of "On Aspiration".)
Per usual, today's to-do list began over-ambitiously and became completely overthrown with new, immediate requests. Unexpectedly, I found myself in Vons with only two items to purchase and an "Express Lane" that was dawdling all the way into the food aisles. On the premise that it is better to be behind one person who has a truckload of groceries than ten people with a handful, I stationed myself resignedly behind a transaction in the works and a middle-aged blonde who was busily unloading towers of frozen food boxes. All of a sudden, the blonde cheerily offered, "Would you like to go ahead of me?" and graciously affirmed my obvious relief. As I left the store, my mood was disproportionately lighter thanks to my lucky -- and kind -- break. Emerging into the sun, I thought, I want to be that kind of person! Someone who is naturally helpful in small, undramatic ways. If I set my mind to it, it could grow into an unconscious habit. Belatedly, it occurred that the sole reason I was in Vons was to buy a gift card for people in need whom I had met fifteen minutes earlier while at the post office sending out gifts. ... It's a surreal moment when you realize you have somehow (slowly? surely?) become the type of person you always wanted to be, at least for one day.
On Bad Choices
Due to my unusual hobbies, I have spent a substantial chunk of emotional energy the past year being angry with people who "blame the victim". The situation that gets me the most is when people reason (or fail to reason) that somehow a "prostitute" is responsible for her circumstances, not the man who sexually abused her when she was young, the trafficker/pimp who controls her through terror and mind games, or the "customers" who purchase her body. Somehow, she is purportedly responsible for her circumstances because she made "bad choices". Since I know a little bit about how young people usually end up in prostitution, I look at her situation and think If all she knows is abuse disguised as love, broken relationships, and poverty; if she mentally, emotionally, and physically controlled by someone who is violent and vicious; if she does not have anyone to come rescue her and nowhere to go if she left -- then how can she have the freedom to make a choice? And somewhere in my anger about prejudice towards the oppressed, I became prejudiced towards people who are ignorant of the oppressed.
Mental breakthrough: People certainly need to be held accountable for their choices, but sometimes they are not able to make a healthy choice. Unconsciously, I often hold people to the standard of my life experience when deciding whether or not they had the ability to make a healthy choice. That's just plain silly. Also, remarkably self-centered. And certainly unprofitable. It's easy for me to see that many women who are prostituted do not have the freedom to decide to leave. It took a bit longer to realize that the person who is condemning victims of sex trafficking may not have enough knowledge of the situation to prompt a compassionate response. So now when I find myself frustrated with people's choices, I ask myself if they have the ability, including knowledge, to make a healthy choice. This practice has considerably lessened my private diagnoses of "self-satisfied nincompoop".
On Expectations
Healthy people usually make healthy choices. Unhealthy people usually make unhealthy choices. A person's mental, physical, and emotional states of health are partially a result of their choices and partially a result of other's choices and sometimes a result of nature freakishly intervening. Sounds pretty straightforward, right? Then why do we keep expecting sick people to make healthy choices? Someone whose spouse abruptly ran off is probably doing well just showing up to work, so don't expect him to be able to be generous or a good listener for awhile. And why do we think that a healthy choice for a sick person looks identical to the choices for healthy people? Someone with a broken leg will only hurt it further if he tries to simply walk on it with no cast or crutches. The under the table job for someone with a criminal record might be the only way for him to quit dealing. Life is messy. Are we willing to be the support for hurting people? If not, then it is entirely unjust for us to expect them to behave as if they were well. (See thoughts above on ability before responsibility.)
On Timeliness
Actually, I have nothing constructive to say on this topic, as I appear to be running late for yet another engagement. (See opening sentences of "On Aspiration".)
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