Growth Gained

Around the turn of the year, it is customary to offer either year-end reflections or new year's hopes. Instead, I offer this summary of personal growth over the past two years, originally sent to a patient friend who still listens to my rabbiting rants. Admittedly, yours truly is a bombastic idealist with perfectionist tendencies, often neglecting to celebrate victories. Many days I am a fixer more than a learner or a lover and--surprise, surprise--am much too easily frustrated by hypocrisy, apathy, and indolence. This list is a testimony of God's faithfulness in spite of my perpetual distractions.

• More patient with people's failures (except for my parents--my progenitors should naturally have it all together, right?)
• Less exacting standards for myself and others
• More willing to let God change people and circumstances over time instead of immediately attempting to change them myself
• Deepened friendships
• More committed to self-care (exercise, rest, diet, Goodwill shopping therapy)
• Better boundaries in relationships
• Sharpened perception of how people unconsciously operate out of woundedness that only Christ can heal
• Clearer view of my own deficiencies and strengths
• Better able to identify with the betrayal felt by Christ not only during His time on earth but more importantly when I make Him huge promises and then quickly and callously ignore them (This is a big one!)
• Convinced that God is good even though it does not intellectually make sense
• More understanding of depression, despair, and grief
• Know that God is close during pain, even when you cannot feel Him
• Increased confidence in God's Word--observing that what I preached to my roommates, the nursing home residents, and strangers on airplanes held true through piercing disappointment and consistent exhaustion
• Mostly content in not knowing the future--releasing most plans
• Increased focus on simplicity of habit and possessions
• Less easily distracted by unimportant comments, items, pastimes, cultural norms and idiosyncrasies as I put my time and energy towards worthier pursuits (including rest!)

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