The Bordered State of Being

Good music moves us. It moves our hearts and, hopefully, our minds. A few months ago, I was at the Ensure Justice Conference at Vanguard University when I was introduced to a song that has been ringing through my spirit ever since. Here are the words. (Click here to listen to the song.)

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

This song ran through me after a day of being challenged yet again to fight the evil of human trafficking. It is a cause and calling so great that it can distract from the One who is doing the calling. The line "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders" trumpeted through my Spirit. It reminded me that I have a deep and abiding trust in God that STOPS SHORT in certain areas. This image of a border caught me. It's one thing to pray "God, let me trust you more" and another thing entirely to find yourself at the limit, the border of your trust "where feet may fail and fear surrounds me." Hearing that line immediately changed my perspective on a decision I had been debating for some time. The real problem was not the degree of complication but that I had hit a border of trust. My trust did not need to go deeper; it needed to go FURTHER, extending into the area that I wanted to control myself.

Where are your borders? What are the relationships on which you've given up, the hopes you've deferred, the callings you've abandoned even though you fully believe that God offers healing, hope, and strength? Maybe your trust does not need to go deeper. Maybe it needs to CROSS OVER the borders in your heart and mind.

May your faith be made stronger in the presence of your Savior, and may you grow in love with the One who calls you.

The One

Today marked a first in my research on human trafficking. Today I read about a victim who shares my name.

The quota was $1,000 a night.

That's how much Katie Rhoades, then 19, was forced to make having sex with men for money. Every night. For three years.

"If you got good at manipulation, you didn't have to turn as many tricks," said Rhoades, adding that beatings and emotional abuse befell the women who did not obey the sex trafficker's commands or bring in the $1,000. "If you don't think there is an out, you learn to survive within it."

In 2002, she was a homeless, drug-addicted stripper barely out of high school when the pimp and his "bottom girl" -- the one responsible for luring girls and women, training them, and enforcing the "rules" -- trapped her with promises of a better and more glamorous life as their recording studio production assistant. Instead, 72 hours after she moved from Portland to San Francisco with them, she was held captive and forced to strip and have sex with men for money.

(More details about this period have been omitted from my reposting. You can read the original story here and more about her new advocacy group here.)

Eventually, she was able to escape and get help from a former family physican to enroll in a drug rehabilitation program miles away in Minnesota. She got clean, earned both her undergraduate and graduate degrees in social work and now runs a victims' advocacy group, Healing Action. She also helps train hotel staff to recognize sexual trafficking.

Not only does this woman, roughly my age, share my  name, but she earned her MSW (I start mid-August) and is actively campaigning against trafficking. We have similar outcomes from drastically different paths.

Those of us in aid work and social services often have to focus on "the one". In other words, the cause we care about is often too complex and overwhelming for us to continually think about as a whole. Instead, we must focus on the individuals affected. In them we see change and healing and growth. Today "the one" hit close to home.

Another quote from a yoga teacher

Source

"Balance is not about not moving. It's about being flexible when change comes." ~ Hazel Patterson

Isn't this the opposite of how us organized, Western, choice-laden types think about balance? Whenever anyone talks about the importance of balancing one's life (work, home, community, faith, etc.), I always envision creating the perfect schedule each week with precisely allotted times for each type of activity. The formula for deciding how much time to give each person and endeavor has remained a frustrating and elusive mystery. 

Tonight balancing on one foot in tree pose, I imagined the freedom of adjusting and adapting to my circumstances instead of trying to plan them (i.e. control them) beforehand. Perhaps this is what people are trying to convey when they glibly spout: "Expect the unexpected!" 

Groceries wilt in the fridge, Craigslist doesn't actually list every apartment available, husbands snore*, and traffic is more than a default excuse for tardiness. Little plans change frequently and life plans change more often than I would like. Healthy balance can look like swaying, toes spread wide, rib cage lifted, and hands pressed gently.


*Disclaimer: the mild and inconsistent sounds emanating from my model are not to be construed as the source material for this example.

The times, they are a-changing

In the past 45 days I...

Exchanged vows (i.e. got hitched)

Moved across the county

Completed Sexual Assault Crisis Counselor training

Restarted SAT tutoring

Represented Hope Rising at several community events

At the end of May, I will be traveling to Thailand as the co-leader of the Hands that Heal training in partnership with Hope Rising and Zoe International.

I like being an abolitionist. Thanks, husband, for being the primary donor to this worthy (and charming!) cause.

Dance with your nose up!

Well, folks, I'm getting hitched in eleven days. That's right. You didn't think I disappeared from the blogging world just to paint my nails and ingest unsulfered mango, did you? I've been trudging away discarding excess silverware and unworn skirts in order to cram my dowry into my fiancee's abode. In honor of my impending nuptials, today I am sharing 3.5 minutes of two of my favorite things: Vince Guaraldi (aka composer of the Charlie Brown music) and interactive live music with elders. According to Ben, the first gift I gave him was a compilation of Vince Guaraldi songs. Sorta like a modern version of a mixed tape, except that I was more concerned with improving his quality of life than with making a move. Hope this snippet does the same for you!